A Beating Heart
For so many years, I have had a specific feeling. It usually pops up at the sound of new music or at two in the morning when I want to sleep, but that is neither here nor there. I have been trying to pin it down, and after too many cups of coffee today, I think I finally have. I want to share it with you.
A Week in the Life of an Art Major (or A Lesson in Understanding)
Ah yes. You’ve all done it. When you hear the words “I’m an Art Major” all you can think of is weird people who hang out in creepy corners with a woe-is-me attitude, and sad music. And if you’ve been lucky enough to catch sight of an Art Major in the wild, good for you! They are hard to spot away from their natural habitat, AKA the Art Building. But what exactly does an Art Major even do?
Lets start with a little math, shall we? (I know, I know, you’re an Art Major, math is the enemy, but just read me out.) The maximum recommended undergraduate semester work load in college is 17-18 hours. What does that mean, the high schoolers all wonder? Well, a class is generally a three-hour course, meaning they meet for three hours a week (one hour every Monday, Wednesday, Friday or and hour and a half every Tuesday and Thursday). Fitness classes and the like usually only count for one hour, even if they meet three times a week. Don’t ask me why, Have no clue. So in theory an 18 hour course load means 18 hours of class time every week, right? And that’s the stressful end of the spectrum.
Well folks, an art major takes much more than that. All studio art courses meet for DOUBLE the time slot, and still only count for a three-hour course. So a studio course meets for six hours a week. The average studio load is three, so that’s already up to eighteen hours. Now, there are other requirements for the University that you have to meet. This means you are taking three other courses (at 2-3 hours each) so you can graduate on time. That means you may be taking 18 hours according to codes, but in terms of class time, you are spending upwards of 23-26 hours a week in a room.
Then there’s that old adage of “One hour in class needs three hours of study time outside of class.” Ha. Haha. I laugh at your measly three hours of work. All of my art professors expect to see me in the studio outside of class at least 10-12 hours a week. I am now up to about 57 hours of occupied time (yes, I used a calculator. This is the real world). Let me walk you through what that looks like.
Studio art classes have a tendency to fall at 8am. I have 8am’s straight across the board, and probably will until I graduate. It’s a fact that I hate but must accept.
So, my Monday’s start off at 8am with Photography. We do a lot of working in class for this one, our professor helps us make sure our prints are looking ok, no spots or smudges, checks our contrast so they aren’t flat, makes sure we are including elements of the project. Now, this is real film photography, and so it takes awhile to process. An hour and a half to develop and dry the film, and then you can finally look at it, only to discover that the pictures you wanted didn’t turn out, and you’ll have to go shoot them again later. You print what you can (a print takes 45 minutes to set up, expose, develop, rinse, and dry) and then it’s time to move on. I spend the break between classes studying for my other classes, quizzes and such that I could. Or I may spend it doing nothing, because it’s the beginning of the week and ignorance is bliss. Then it’s on to art history and political science, taking notes and making sure that I have all of the homework assignments and reading written down to work on later.
After class is out for the day, I usually take off for the art building, because drawing doesn’t open up for working until 5:30, and I have things to do. I usually work on Design stuff (which is on Tuesday) for two or three hours, and then I go to eat dinner with friends (gotta see them sometime, you know?) Then its off to drawing for the remainder of the evening. It usually takes about three to four hours of work to get where I need to be for the next day, and then I go home in the dark. Now I can sleep, right? Wrong. I’ve got other stuff I need to do, so for the next few hours I take care of little stuff, emails and such that need to be dealt with and have been ignored lately (being an Adult is so boring and annoying).
Finally I can shower and go to bed. But guess what? Another 8am is here! I get up and spend 3 hours in Drawing (not my favorite), trying not to tear my hair out. Then I go eat lunch before going to spend three hours in Design. This class is fun, but it also makes the biggest mess. My logic is to stay after class instead of packing it all up, so I usually don’t leave until 6 or 7, when I eat dinner.
But wait! Theres that roll of film that needs to be developed before tomorrow! So it’s back to the art building for another two or three hours to develop film and print pictures. About nine I head home. Sleep now, right? Nope. I have an essay to write for Art History and some PoliSci to read for tomorrow. And that maintenance request for the broken toilet seat, laundry from two days before to fold, and on top of that I can’t even see my floor. Sometimes I just give up and go straight to bed.
The days to the end of the week follow in similar fashion. But somehow in the middle of all of that I have to eat, sleep, talk to friends for my sanity and theirs, do laundry, fold laundry, clean my room up so I don’t choke on dirt in my sleep, pay rent, talk to professors, arrange meetings, do dishes, go grocery shopping, go art shopping, and just generally keep life from falling into disrepair. When Saturday rolls around, I sleep until noon. It’s no wonder, right?
Then it’s straight to the art building to work on stuff until dinner, then maybe I can hang out with people (if they aren’t busy either) or actually have some non-school related time for myself. Sunday is church and then a nap to catch up on more sleep before the week starts all over again on Monday.
Is it worth it? I sometimes find myself thinking.
Yes. Because when I get out of class for the day and my hands are covered in all manner of graphite, ink, paint, grease, burns, scrapes, and shavings, I am the happiest (or at least most content) I have been in a long time.
Who needs sleep anyway?
Be Careful
“Be careful,” my mom always tells me when I pick up the car keys.
I used to get annoyed, and I would shrug my shoulders and sigh. “I’m a good driver, mom,” I would grit out. “I’m always careful.” It annoyed me that she didn’t trust me to take the turns at an acceptable speed, to follow the rules of the road, to pay attention. I knew, in all my seventeen year old sureness, that I was a good driver and that I would be fine.
But sometimes, things happen that we can’t control. Sometimes, no matter how good of a driver you are or how carefully you pay attention, something will happen that will find you in an ICU waiting room at 2:00 am, sitting and praying and hoping. It will rock your world by taking away people that you thought you would always have by your side, leaving you standing with a hole in your heart and all trains of thought derailed by this unexpected occurrence.
When things like this happen, you have no choice but to change. It hurts, badly, and in some ways it will always hurt badly. But you have to realize that life moves on. Time doesn’t care about how badly we hurt, it bulldozes right over feelings and sometimes leaves you in the dust, trying to wrap the memories of what was and keep them in mind for what will be. But this is my reminder to you that the past is over, and we can’t go back and change it, however much the what-ifs can haunt us at night.
That doesn’t mean we forget. But we change. We adapt. We stop being careless with our words, because they can bring back bad memories. We sometimes find our smiles a little strained because something small reminded us of a different time. Realize that the good memories can sometimes hurt worse than the bad. Remember that everyone moves through grief at different paces, and when you feel like you’ve healed, someone may be so far behind you that they still hurt like the pain is fresh. Know that when some people snap, they really just don’t know what else to do. Try not get angry at them.
We all show love in different ways.
“Be careful,” my mom says when I pick up the car keys.
“I will be,” I promise her solemnly.
“Drive safely,” I say to my friends. “Text me when you get home.”
We change. But we’ll be alright in the end. In the meantime, we lean on each other and we love. Sometimes that’s the best thing to do.
Harder Than You Think
I am scared. I am afraid to lose my creativity. Because you see, creativity is a hard thing to keep. People extoll it and praise it and admire it, they wish they had it, but it takes a lot of work to stay creative.
Writing
Writing is hard.
When I write, I write to make sense of the world. I write when I’m stressed, when I want to make decisions, when I’m happy, excited, or upset. I have journals and folders and scraps of paper that are filled with words explaining my thoughts and ideas and telling stories.
But sometimes, wrangling those 26 letters into what you want to say is just so hard. That little cursor can just sit and blink at you for hours and nothing will be written, and with every second that passes, you get more frustrated. I can’t tell you how many word documents have started out with variations of the word “ARGH” because I just can’t get my internal dictionary under control. You trip over every syllable and delete more than you write.
I think part of the problem is that we tend to write under the impression that we have to impress someone else. We write with the fear that everyone who reads it will be disappointed. We write for everyone else.
That is wrong. We shouldn’t write for others. We should write for ourselves. Write what we want to hear, write what we need to read, because there is a very large chance that there are people out there who need to hear the exact same thing. The truth has a habit of sneaking onto paper when we aren’t looking, even if we didn’t know we were writing it.
You see, writing is not a point A to point B activity. When you write, feel free to skip around. Start in the middle and skip to the beginning. Write the last paragraph first, say something that has no context anywhere else but your brain. After word vomit, go back and edit. It will all be okay. You don’t like the whole thing? Start over.
No one can tell you when, where, and how to write. The best thinking times are in the car or in the shower. Paper is a non-judgemental surface, and you can say anything, anything you want, even if it’s just ‘no no no no’ over and over again.
After all, that’s why I’m writing now. I had nothing to say, and as my wise english teacher Miss. Adams used to say, “Say something.” It doesn’t even have to be profound. It can be ‘I like donuts.’
Just write.
Merry Christmas
I’ll keep this short, because it is Christmas Eve after all, and I know that everyone is busy getting kids to bed and busy being ‘Santa’, so I just want to leave you with a Christmas wish.
I hope that all the lights work on your tree, I hope that your Christmas is at least chilly, if not exactly white. I hope that you get to sleep in past seven in the morning, and I wish that if you don’t, you can take a nap tomorrow afternoon.
I hope that all your traditions are fulfilled with the utmost excitement and joy, and I hope that your night is silent. I hope that all of your stories are exciting, and I hope that the memories of this Christmas last you a lifetime.
Most of all, I wish you a holy night, and an exciting morning.
And in the words of my favorite Christmas movie, “there’s only one more sleep ’til Christmas”, and “God bless us, everyone”.
To Seniors (And Future College Freshmen)
“College is great!”
“College is the best four years of your life!”
“You make lifelong friends in college.”
These are all typical responses when a high school student mentions college. But what the naive high school graduate doesn’t know is that college is also very different and kind of difficult. There are several things that I have encountered in college that people just don’t warn you about or just plain fail to mention.
While I don’t doubt that college is the best four years of life, the first semester can be pretty rough. Here’s a list of stuff that no one ever says:
1. THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. No matter how prepared you think you are for the workload, whether you took AP or IB or Dual Credit classes, things are so alien. Professors work differently than high school teachers, you don’t have class every day, and more than half of your learning is done on a computer in your dorm room. The online aspect is especially difficult, since there isn’t really a class labelled “Online Class 101” and you just kind of have to fumble your way through figuring it all out. This may mean that you miss a few online assignments, or become severely overwhelmed by the confusion of eight different classes and e-mail accounts.
2. YOU WILL GET HOMESICK. I don’t care if you are the toughest person out there, or if you can’t wait to get away from home and start college, you will get homesick. Most likely even really badly. College is a new start. You no longer have the friendships that you made for the past seven years of middle/high school, and you don’t have your family nearby. The town is different, and you may have to travel a long way to get anywhere that is even vaguely familiar. You can’t even go home after school. You go to a tiny dorm room. After a while, you just want to throw something at the wall and go, “I want to go home!” You may not even want to go home to see your parents or anything, you will just miss the concept of home. Some mornings you will open your eyes and be disoriented as to where you are. College is going to be outside of your comfort zone, even if you are good at adapting to new situations. You will be homesick. Period, end of song. Amen.
3. MAKING FRIENDS IS HARD. I’m an introvert, so it’s especially hard for me, but college is unlike any situation you’ve ever been in before. You don’t see people in the same classes day after day. You may only see a group of people from a certain class once a week. It is so hard to form friendships with people that you don’t see very often. There are no passing periods to talk to people, and people tend to show up late and clear out as soon as their name is called on the role after class. So you need to know that the first semester is going to be really really hard in the way of friend-making. You have to put yourself out there, even if you don’t want to.
College is hard. College is scary. But really, college is just different. I hope this maybe warned you about what it will be like. But don’t lose hope! It’s also really amazing, and fun, and I wish you all the best of luck!
Christmas and Music
Yes. You read that right. This blog is about Christmas. Yes, I know that it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, and yes, I know that some of you will be irritated and may not have even clicked the link, because, well, Christmas. But just give me a few minutes of your time, and read what I have to say.
I started listening to Christmas music in mid-September. Super early. I’m part of the group that starts earlier than most of the early listeners. When I tell people that I started that long ago, some people get this look of surprise that says “Why so early? Are you crazy?” The jury is still out on the crazy, actually.
Then there are the other people. They get super irritated at me.
“Why did you just skip Thanksgiving?” They say.
“You should really take this time of year to be thankful for what you have before you move on to getting presents for Christmas.” They rant.
WHOA. Hold up. OK, first of all, I know that this is the Thanksgiving season, but I’m a part of the crew that believes you should be thankful all year round instead of just at Thanksgiving. I am thankful every day for what I have, so pardon me for not counting my blessings only in the month before Thanksgiving. I also believe that you should tell people you love them and treat them special at times other than February 14th. Sue me.
Secondly, I love Christmas. And it’s not because I get presents. I can only come up with things I want for Christmas under intense pressure from my mom nagging me that the relatives need a list. Presents are ok, but it’s not why I love Christmas.
Now your brain is jumping to another place. The true meaning of Christmas. [Insert heavenly lights and Hallelujah chorus here]. And yes, I do love Christmas a bunch because this is when Jesus came, and it’s a very happy time in the Bible. I love all the stories around this time, and they do make up a large part of my Christmas love.
Now, I want you to close your eyes and think right now of when you were a kid. You know, about when you were 7-11 years old and Christmas was getting closer. Think about right now, just a minute.
Now. What do you feel? Happy, right? A little bubbly? Smiling like a lunatic? Yep. There you go. That right there is why I love Christmas.
Christmas is the time of year when it gets colder. School winds down, cocoa sales go up, people eat more soup. The air smells cold (you know what I mean, don’t even try to deny it). But it’s so much more than that.
It’s the magic feeling. The one that just sits there in your chest and makes people more polite, more friendly. Worries are still there, but they get a little lighter. You see old friends, and get to know new ones better. You get to go home or go to grandmas and see those same Christmas ornaments that have been there for decades. You know the one.
Christmas is when Hallmark has the new ornaments out and stores have special prices and the people in Texas are desperately wrapped up in all the clothing they have because it is a chilly 47 degrees outside. Yes, laugh, you know it’s true.
Now, back to the beginning of this blog. Christmas music. Why do I listen to it so early? Because the only thing that embodies the magic of Christmas more than a twinkling tree is the music. It’s beautiful! It just makes me so happy. Ask my friend Morgan, she watches me listen to it because I can’t stop smiling like an idiot the entire time. The music is all attached to memories of Christmas past, and they are all fond, if not all entirely happy.
I get so excited when I listen to Christmas music that when I sing along, my voice shakes from the joy that is trying to get out. I can’t help it.
So, I am sorry if my intense Christmas joy is getting in the way of your meticulous Counting of the Blessings. Christmas is a wonderful time, and, much like Thanksgiving and Valentines Day, should be celebrated outside of it’s social norm.
Now, I am sorry I rambled so long, but Christmas has that effect on me. For those of you who stuck with me through the whole blog, I have a prize(ish). My dad asked for Christmas music stations awhile back, and I suggested some and have since gotten a lot of requests for more music. SO here is the master list of Rachel’s Music.
Piano
- Jon Schmidt
- Hymns Radio
- David Carnes
- David Nevue
- Helen Jane Long
- Peaceful Holidays Radio
Now, those can be either normal piano or holiday, and if you want them to be holiday, just add the word holiday after their name.
Christmas Vocal
- Mercy Me Holiday
- Mark Schultz Holiday
- Straight No Chaser Holiday (A-cappella)
- Swingin’ Christmas Radio (Classics)
My other non-Christmas favorites are:
- for King and Country
- Mark Schultz
- Matthew West
- Tenth Avenue North
- Needtobreathe Radio
So there you go! Enjoy!
Love, Rachel
Paper
To me, the most exciting thing in the world is a piece of blank paper. And yeah, I can hear you thinking, ‘paper’s OK, but why is it so awesome?’ I’ll tell you why. That piece of paper has so much potential. A piece of blank paper has the most potential in the entire world.
A piece of paper can be printed on. It can become a checklist, or an essay, or a book. It can turn into a newspaper. It can be a sign, telling people important information.
It can be written on. It can have a letter written on it, or a reminder, or a note to a family member.
A piece of paper can be cut. It can turn into a beautiful snowflake, or a heart or anything you could think of.
A piece of paper can also be folded. It can turn into a frog or a crane or a paper airplane. It can become a small box to put other things in. It’s awesome.
A piece of paper can be drawn on. That’s my favorite! It can be sketched on, painted with watercolors or acrylics, or drawn on with pencil, pen, crayon, markers, anything! It’s amazing!
Paper is so awesome! And cheap! I mean, come on, I feel like something that has so much potential should cost a little more. But it doesn’t. So go buy some paper and create something, guys, because its so much fun!